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2. Jan. 2023 · LEXX BROWN-JAMES: Chosen family are really people who you bring in for intimate relationships, especially when you're devoid of those close family relationships.
- Brianna Scott
11. Nov. 2021 · Most often when people say you can’t choose your “family,” they mean your family of origin — the family you were born or adopted into. Chosen family members can be a lifeline when we live far...
30. Okt. 2023 · “You can choose your friends but you sho' can't choose your family, an' they're still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge 'em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don't.” ― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird. Read more quotes from Harper Lee. Share this quote: Like Quote. Recommend to friends. Friends Who Liked This Quote.
- Overview
- What *exactly* is a chosen family?
- Where did the term originate?
- What can a chosen family look like?
- What if you’re close to your biological family?
- Wait… so are chosen families inherently queer?
- What are the benefits of having a chosen family?
- How do you know if you already have one?
- How can you continue to build or create your own?
- What’s the bottom line?
Your found or chosen family refers to group of people who intentionally chose to love and support each other, regardless of marriage or blood relationship. People may build and describe their found families differently.
You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.
Just because that refrain is common, doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s not.
Chosen families prove that, actually, it is possible to choose your friends and your family.
Also known as found family, “a chosen family is made up of people who have intentionally chosen to embrace, nurture, love, and support each other regardless of blood or marriage,” says Bahiyyah Maroon, PhD.
Sound broad? That’s because it is.
Nobody seems to know who coined the phrase “chosen family.”
But Maroon says the concept has existed for a long, long time.
Our old friend the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “family” the way many would define “nuclear family.” The definition reads that family is “the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children.”
True, many would buck against how antiquated this definition is.
Regardless, chosen families are far less prescribed than this.
Some chosen families posit someone in the mother role, someone in the father role, and others in the sibling role.
Maroon, for example, shares that she has a chosen mother, chosen brother, and chosen sister (whom she calls her gift-mother and gift-siblings). “I wanted someone to send flowers to on Mother’s Day and I wanted a brother to exchange that brother-sister bond with,” she says.
“Paris Is Burning” and “Pose” fans will remember seeing similar family roles assumed there.
Often, chosen families and biological families are seen as existing in an either/or paradigm.
Example #1: You have either a chosen family, or you have a biological family.
Example #2: Someone is either part of your chosen family, or your biological family.
But this framing isn’t adequate.
A chosen family does *not* require the absence of a biological family.
Raquel, 24, of New York City, for example, grew up with a single mom and no siblings.
The story of queer folks leaving behind — or more commonly, being abandoned by — their biological families and choosing new family structures is as common in real life as it is in the media. (See: “Queer As Folk,” “The L Word,” “Tales of The City,” etc.).
But no, the concept of chosen family isn’t inherently queer.
Need proof chosen family isn’t inherently queer? Just think about a wedding party between straight-heterosexual folks, says mental health professional Kryss Shane, LMSW, author of “The Educator’s Guide to LGBT+ Inclusion.”
“Often bridesmaids or groomsmen aren’t blood-related — they’re people chosen by the marrying pair to support them,” explains Shane.
“The concept of chosen family is inherently non-European and non-heteronormative,” says Maroon. “But there have been all sorts of types of non-blood families throughout history.”
“Chosen family is something that other cultures have offered to the LGBTQ+ community as an option and that the LGBTQ+ community seized in response,” says Maroon.
“A chosen family offers folks the opportunity to experience abundant love, joy, safety, and belonging,” says Maroon.
For folks who have been rejected by their biological families, these chosen families may be the only opportunity they have to experience these things.
All those good feelings offer major mental health benefits, according to Shane. Feeling wanted and cared for can be incredibly healing for people dealing with mental health concerns, she says.
It can also keep people from feeling intensely isolated and alone during moments of joy and mourning, such as a holiday or family death.
“One of the best ways to think about who your chosen family is, is to think about who you would want to call when you got the worst news of your life,” says Shane. And, to think through who would call you on their worst days.
If you can identify your support system, as well as who you’re a support system for, you can likely identify your chosen family, she says.
“Start by asking yourself, ‘What can I do to better show up for the people in my life who I care about?'” suggests Maroon. Then, show up for those people in those ways.
As she puts it, “Having a chosen family isn’t just about how others take care of you, it’s how you take care of others.”
By giving to your loved ones in these ways, you establish an ethic of care that has the potential to develop into a chosen family kind of care, she says.
If, when you look around at your life, you realize that you don’t (yet!) have people who you care about in those ways, your first step is to find those folks.
How? By putting yourself into positions to meet people who may have similar interests, beliefs, and desires as you.
You might join a lesbian book club, or start a queer Jewish cooking group. Or maybe you’ll volunteer at Habitat for Humanity, or join a wake up club.
Proving that it is possible to choose your family, chosen families offer people an additional or alternative realm of connection, love, and support.
While these days the concept is mostly talked about as it relates to queer individuals, someone of any sexuality can have a chosen family.
Viele übersetzte Beispielsätze mit "you can't choose your family" – Deutsch-Englisch Wörterbuch und Suchmaschine für Millionen von Deutsch-Übersetzungen.
21. Juni 2019 · Original title: You Can Choose Your Family. 2018. R. 1h 49m. IMDb RATING. 6.1 /10. 1.9K. YOUR RATING. Rate. Play trailer 2:33. 9 Videos. 36 Photos. Comedy. A normal father's family life is turned upside down when his son discovers his dad has another family. Director. Miranda Bailey. Writer. Glen Lakin. Stars. Jim Gaffigan. Logan Miller. Anna Gunn.
28. Dez. 2022 · For some people, family is made up of people they've chosen and isn't limited to biological family. SDI Productions/Getty Images. You've heard the saying, 'Blood is thicker than...
